When we leave school we’re expected to know exactly what we want to do with our lives and unless you know the area you want to go into, you pretty much feel a little bit lost. I knew since primary school that fashion was an area I wanted to work in. I left school knowing that fashion was what I wanted to do and naturally went to uni to study fashion.
When I started uni, I was determined to do fashion design and that was what I wanted to do. Little did I know, that it would be incredibly difficult and not an area of fashion which I actually enjoyed. The pressure of making something perfect at uni was far too much. I remember we made a white shirt in first year and whilst it was an okay shirt, technically it was awful. The sewing was wonky and it wasn’t to a standard that a lot of others were. It was that moment when I realised that fashion design wasn’t for me. Luckily in my course, you could do communication or design which meant I could easily give the other side of fashion a go. Turns out, Fashion communication was my calling. I never expected to love creating things on photoshop or writing about my work. I very quickly became communication gal. You’d think by this point that I’d narrowed it down a little and kind of got to a place where I knew what I wanted to do. I didn’t. There is a lot of different areas within fashion which is amazing for jobs and things to do within fashion but it doesn’t make it any easier for people like me who have no idea what they want to do within that area.
I tried out many different areas in fashion communication. Not only to work out what I was good at but also what I enjoyed the most. I have always been someone who wants to do something I enjoy. The minute I stop enjoying it, is the point where I’m then not getting the enough out of what I am doing. First of all I tried website design, that wasn’t really my calling at all. I then went on to do magazine design which I absolutely loved doing but I couldn’t grasp a good enough concept for a magazine to come to life. I love the idea of making my own magazine but again it wasn’t for me.I tried out fashion film which I loved doing but again its all about the concept and I couldn’t grasp a good enough concept for it to be worth while. I then decided that styling was what I wanted to do. I absolutely love putting an outfit together so naturally styling seemed to be an area which I was drawn towards. My whole final major project at uni was based on styling. I styled a range of photoshoots and absolutely loved it. I had full creativity and had the opportunity to not only do womenswear but also menswear. By this point I was pretty confident that styling was the path I was going to go down. On the side of this we had to create a portfolio, creative cv and a press pack. All things that I really enjoyed doing but not really things that would be a job for me. I also had to create a blog alongside every project that I did throughout uni. Everyone hated creating a blog but I secretly was the one who loved it. I loved being able to just write freely about what I was doing and being able to write in my own voice. We often had to write essays which had to be very academic which I was awful at. Never did well in those. This was when my love for blogging came about but I didn’t really see it as a possible career opportunity. I didn’t think at the time that I could do it or even have the confidence to do it.
So at this point Im channelling my inner stylist and I’m pretty determined that this is the route that I want to go down. I then entered a few competitions with my styling and I became a finalist in the Diversity Now 2016 competition which was a complete shock because I never expected to even get picked let alone become a finalist. I also became a finalist in the Graduate Fashion Week Styling Award 2016 which again a complete shock. I knew I wouldn’t win it as I knew I didn’t have a flare, I knew I didn’t have anything particularly different about me BUT to be finalist was an achievement for me and actually made me really want to pursue a styling career. It seemed to be going pretty well, I knew what I wanted to do. I had previously done an internship in PR and really enjoyed it but I still wanted to do something else. I wanted to see what else was out there. So I then helped out a stylist on a photoshoot which was so enjoyable and amazing to see someone do the job. And I must not forget the amazing clothes. Some of the menswear pieces out there are fabulous. After the shoot was over, the next day we both had to take all of the samples back and I was trusted to take back this AMAZING red shearling coat back to burberry HQ which was so surreal. I went in the building in the wrong entrance which you have to have a pass to get into, god knows how I managed that without being thrown out. But I did have a burberry coat in my arms so I mean, they must have thought I was lost. This was the best experience and really did set me up for what I thought would be the styling career I wanted. I then did a day styling internship at Another Man Magazine. I say day because that was as long as I lasted. It was a complete shambles if you ask me. First of all I got there and I had to wait an hour and a half for someone to even come up to me and second of all, when someone did eventually introduce me to the styling team, I was shoved in a cupboard bagging up samples to go back to the PR companies. When I say cupboard it was quite literally the size of a double bed. I hadn’t even had a run down of what the internship would entail or what I would be doing. I then had to return samples to PR companies and brands and had to pay for my own transport to these places. I was shattered and had THE worst day ever. My goal of becoming a stylist was pretty much crushed. I realised that I really didn’t want it enough to make it through a horrible internship. I didn’t want to be a stylist enough to keep going. Thats when styling was crossed off of my list.
Im currently at a point in my life where I have no idea where to go next. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what area I want to go into. I just have no idea. I know that I am ready to find a new job but I don’t know what area I want to go into nor do I ever want to settle for anything that I’m not excited about. I don’t want to settle for just anything, I want to do something that I will enjoy and continue to do for years to come. Ideally, I would absolutely love my blog to be my job. That would be the ideal situation for me as I have said before, I love doing it. I feel like it is where I am supposed to be and where I want to be. Unfortunately with this kind of job, it’s all about patience and hard work. If you love something enough and work hard for something enough, you’ll get there. And that is what I am going to do. I want this job and I will get it but I know it is going to take time.
The moral of my story is that it is completely okay to not know what you want to do in life. Im almost 23 and I am working 20 hours and still living at home. This wasn’t my plan coming out of uni nor was it what I expected. I thought Id have a fab job and possibly be living in London but nope. Thats not the case. Some people get the dream job straight away and others like me have to work super hard to get even close but its okay. Its okay to be in rut and be stuck with where you want to go. You just have to remember that you know deep down what you want to do and you know that you will get there. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to have to do something because you need to or someone says you have to. Just go with the flow and see where life takes you. Everything happens for a reason and If you don’t know what you want to do, thats completely okay and life will take you down the path that you need to go. You might just be a little bit slower than others which is completely normal.
Just remember that you will get to wherever you are supposed to be and you will do what you are supposed to do.
Top – H&M
Jeans – Topshop (buy here)
Cardigan – Zara (something similar here)
Trainers – New Look (something similar here)
Bag – Ted Baker (old)