The mind is a funny thing and can easily change your way of thinking. I am currently going through a bit of a battle with my mind and honestly its becoming more and more of a struggle. I am usually such a positive person and try to steer away from any negative thoughts and people but I have become the negative person that I would usually hate and the type of person which would annoy the hell out of me. Its one of those things that then makes me feel even worse because I’m that negative person everyone hates. Its currently at the point where I feel okay and then I see something which then makes me feel even more lonely and invisible in a way. As if I’m hated and that people don’t want to spend time with me. And then my mind goes into all sorts of panic, like what is wrong with me…why do people not what me around? I don’t know what is going on with my mind but Im on a mission to make myself feel better and get back to the happy me. Me writing this post is kind of a way of relieving the stress thats going on in my mind and will hopefully make me feel better as well as getting to the bottom of this crappy feeling. Maybe it will even help some of you lovely lot.
For me, this all started from work. Firstly my manger left which meant we then didn’t have a manger so we had to go solo as a team. Secondly, our team of 4 then lost 2 people which meant there is now only 2 of us to do all visual merchandising for our Topshop store. Its a rather large store so you can imagine the amount of pressure that has fallen on to us. Not only am I feeling super crap, I have to deal with work and the stress which has all of sudden come with it. Luckily I’m not the only one feeling the pressure as I do have one other team member who is feeling the exact same thing. This means over the Christmas period…the busiest time of the year…we have a huge amount of work to do and I am working more than I ever expected to. I was not prepared for the amount of work I have to do this Christmas and that has sent my stress levels through the roof. And to be honest, has made me start to dislike the job that I am in. I have hit a wall and I think its time for me to move on. It has been suggested to me that maybe I should quit? and whilst it sounds like a good idea, especially when I am feeling like this, I just don’t feel like quitting is the best thing to do. Quitting at the first sign of pressure isn’t going to get me through tough situations in the future is it? Its just a easy way out. I am someone who is always determined to beat my mind. Find ways to not let my mind take over because when you let your mind take over it can send you to places you don’t want to go. I still dislike my job and I still don’t want to go to work over the next few weeks due to how much work there is BUT I going to do it and I will get through it.
For now, my solution is to carry on going and get through the shit. I don’t want to and Im sure it will send my mind into many crappy situations but its a normal thing to get feelings like this and we all know life isn’t easy AT ALL. Once Christmas passes, I will be getting a new job. I don’t know what it will be, I don’t even know where it will be but I need to push myself to do something new and find something which suits what I want to do. I have already started the hunt for a new job and I will continue to for the foreseeable future. I told myself when I got this Visual Merchandising job that I would stay for 6 months at least and buy the end of December it will have been 6 months. I am so ready to leave and start a new adventure and what better way to do that then finding a new job in the new year. Im looking forward to starting a new year and finding a new me.
This feeling doesn’t tend to go away very easily and in fact can get so much worse during times of pressure but I have come up with a few things that will hopefully get me through the next month and allow me to enjoy Christmas as it is my favourite time of year. My number one thing is giving myself time to relax. I don’t often relax as the minute I’m home from work, I’m on my laptop working on my blog. My blog is like my second job, the job I love. But I think over the Christmas period, its going to be important to relax and sit and watch a christmas movie in the evening. I have also bought myself a colouring book. I read an article about how colouring books help to de stress and what they’re actually good for. Basically all these crappy feelings and thoughts I have, should start to fade away a little with the use of a colouring book. I have begun it today and I think I just need to spend a little bit of time every day working on it. Bring out my inner child. I have had one in the past and it really helped me so I’m hoping this will do the same thing. I am going to attempt to make some plans and have a couple of things to look forward to. Something I have decided that I want to do is to go travelling, I feel like I need to do it. I feel like its something maybe I need to do in my life. However, I wouldn’t do that by myself, I don’t have anyone who would do it with me and I would need a good 4 months to save anyways. Since I cant do that, I am going to plan drinks with friends, spending time with my sister as I didn’t get to do that last Christmas, go on a day out…possibly on my days off and just doing things when I can. I don’t have a huge amount of time but its working with the free time that I do have and trying to enjoy it.
Its still a continuing battle but I’m determined to get through it myself as I have done it before. I can definitely do it again. I have just got to look forward to whats to come in my life and I guess its got to get really bad before it gets better right? Thats what I am going to tell myself anyways. Hopefully the start of next year will bring some happiness and enjoyment which I can look forward to.
I know that this isn’t my usual kind of post but I really just needed to properly get out the way I’m feeling and maybe some of you are going through the same thing? If you are, I’m always here to chat and if you have any advice, Id love to hear it. Im so ready to get back to the Happy Charlotte that I usually always am.